For your trauma, a day of love

You were so brave to share your pain online, very publicly, where others might just suffer quietly.

Child abuse, sexual assault and rape, you said.

You want to make the world better. We can try to fix society, even as others race to break it as fast as they can. This may at times feel like emptying the ocean with a spoon. It may be a long time until we see the investment pay off, if at all.

You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results. — Mahatma Gandhi

We cannot just exhaust ourselves trying to fix things. Just for one day, let me offer you joy without agenda or trying to accomplish anything.

A day of love

Let us spend a day together and do whatever brings you pleasure and happiness. For you I will be whatever you want: a pillow to rest your head on, a blanket for cold, a wish-granting wizard, a shoulder to cry on, a box of chocolates, a healer and a panacea, a freight train loaded with luxurious goods, warm cotton candy at the amusement park, and all the tea in China. Whatever brings you joy, which for now I have no idea what it is. For this one day, I will just open my heart to you and do whatever is within my means. And if you find that helpful but not quite enough, we may even repeat that a few times.

What if all we need is a little kick now and then to reconnect with our innate joy?

For all those ailing in the world,
Until their every sickness has been healed,
May I myself become for them
The doctor, nurse, the medicine itself.

Raining down a flood of food and drink,
May I dispel the ills of thirst and famine.
And in the ages marked by scarcity and want,
May I myself appear as drink and sustenance.

— Shantideva

The good doctor Patty Wipfler devised special time to make children happy. For a short period of time, say up to an hour, the parent will do whatever the child wants, as long as it is safe. No more parental agenda of any sort, just unalloyed goodness and freedom. Why not special time for grownups? What if all we need is a little kick now and then to reconnect with our innate joy?

Giving implies to make the other person a giver also and they both share in the joy of what they have brought to life. In the act of giving something is born, and both persons involved are grateful. ― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

You may ask, how could a single pleasurable day relieve so much pain? It seems so illusory. The answer is that pleasure and pain are both illusions. This is how Buddhists see the world. This temporary and illusory pleasure is just a little jolt, which is so easy to produce if one is not too miserly.

Now pain and pleasure alike have become
Ornaments which it is pleasant to wear.

— Chögyam Trungpa, Collected Works, vol. 5

* This is not a date or a forever proposal, only a gift of love and joy. There are no strings attached. If I were courting you, you might feel that you are entering a complicated system of expected stimuli and responses. In this case, there is no complication, and you can just be happy.

Discover a new book, The Authentic Lover


  • Judy Posted January 29, 2017 3:04 am

    Exactly what my ex-boyfriend said and reeled me in for.Turns out he is an online predator. He was very poetic and all ditto to this guy. They can sniff suffering and weakness far away. Be careful…my experience is these guys have tried everything every woman on earth and can stop preying upon us. No matter how beautifully written this is, be careful..whoever you are this guy is trying to prey upon. Love for trauma, my ass. Come cuddle with me and then I ‘ll take care of the rest..coz I got this miracle medicine penis :-)))) Be careful girl!

    • editor Posted January 29, 2017 8:48 am

      The point of this is to put the other person completely in charge. Would a completely asexual offer come across better? I cannot decide. It is up to the recipient. There are plenty of other activities that procure joy, also on offer.

      I am not “these guys.” I can indeed sense suffering, but also the possibility of transformation through unconditional love. I have not tried “every woman on Earth.” Some people may be willing to make right at times.

      If the intention is clearly stated, then it is no big deal for the parties to keep each other honest. Whether you are “reeled in” depends on the expectation. The expectation is made clear in the text. So I agree with you, there is a need for both parties to be careful to not become enmeshed with each other.

      This is not Internet trolling by the way. The person I am addressing knows me and can decide for herself whether she trusts me enough or not. Or as I said privately to her, she can simply accept the offer symbolically. I believe even that would be beneficial.

      Maybe I will remove the “perfect lover” part and let the rest of the text stand. Maybe not. You may have trouble believing this, but it is not very important. I just put it in for completeness’s sake.

      The ultimate question is whether truly selfless giving is possible. I believe so, very much. People can be that powerful.

    • editor Posted January 29, 2017 10:41 pm

      I decided to remove the more controversial parts, which are only a few words long. In a way I feel this detracts from the message somewhat, but leaving them in hits a cultural hard stop and risks creating hubris. It’s a close call. I appreciate constructive feedback. I will continue to disallow comments that are just personal attacks.

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